Band of Brothers
by TheSenjuMan
Summary: A series of one-shots based on the episode 'One of the Boys'. All about Link's life with his 10 brothers.
1. Brotherly Instinct

**I just recently saw the episode "One of the Boys" and...I didn't like it as much as I thought I would. I mean, it was okay, just not what I was expecting. So, here's my take on Lincoln's life with 10 brothers. Enjoy.**

* * *

 **The Loud House: Mid-Afternoon**

To the outside world, it would just seem like another fall day; the sky is cloudy with a few dark spots, the trees have brown leaves falling off with every passing moment, and the cold air permeating the skin of passers-by, bringing on the incentive of wearing a coat or getting goosebumps. In Royal Oak, the neighborhood was quiet, seemingly unassuming and looking like your average all-American neighborhood.

Except...things were a tad different in the Loud House.

In the living room is where things take a different turn.

Rather than a loud, (no pun intended, that's Lane's job) raucous gathering of brothers engaging in rough play, heavy guitar screeches, and smack talk toward one another, only five of the brothers were present: Loni, Luke, Lane, Lynn, and of course, the white haired middle child himself, Lincoln.

"Uh, hey guys," Lincoln, sitting on the far left end of the couch, turned toward the readers. "Things are kinda heavy right now."

While four of the siblings didn't look affected by anything, it was Lynn Jr. who was the most changed; the brunet sports player currently had disheveled hair, his '1' jersey torn, and was holding a pack of frozen vegetables up to his right eye.

He sighed. "Goddamn."

Loni perked up from the armchair on the side next to the kitchen threshold. "Whoa, Lynn! You okay, bro?"

Lynn gritted his teeth and lowered his ice pack. "Really? I'm sitting here with a black eye, all messed up, and you're asking if I'm okay? The hell do you think?!"

"Alright, alright, sorry, sheesh," Loni retorted, holding his hands up in surrender, making his sunglasses fall over his eyes. "When did this, like, solar eclipse happen?"

Lane, sitting on the far right armrest of the main couch, surveyed Lynn. "Man, did that guy lay his best punch-line on ya. Hehe, get it?"

Crickets...crickets.

"Alright, too soon. Anyway, that was something back there, wasn't it?"

"It was total bullshit is what it was!" Lynn exclaimed. "I coulda taken him!"

"First off," Luke began, laying on the floor and tuning his acoustic guitar. "Calm down, little dude, slow your roll. Second," Luke stands, holding his guitar by the neck with his left hand, "you better be damned grateful for what we did back there." He emphasizes his sentence by pointing at Lynn.

"Like I said Luke, I was doing just fine!"

Lincoln, observing all of this, turns toward the reader yet again. "Yeah, I probably should fill you in. You see, it was just a few hours ago..."

* * *

 ** _Flashback_**

 _Wagner Park_

 _*SWISH*_

 _That was the sound of Lynn Loud, sports aficionado, scoring yet another basket of nothing but net!_

 _Loki decided that since his brothers had done a whole bunch of favors for him already, that they would hang out at the park, since there was nothing else to really do. While the rest of the brothers were off doing what they do best (Lars under the shade with his poetry, Lexx declaring himself king of the world, Lane telling bad jokes to girls, Loni chatting up multiple girls with his fashion knowledge, etc.), Lynn decided to play a pickup game of basketball, with him vs. 4 other guys._

 _Currently, none of the four other guys were able to keep up with Lynn, much to Lynn's gain._

 _Lynn paraded all over the court, bellowing, "None of you can even f**k with me!"_

 _The other four opposing players scowled at the braggadocious brunet._

 _It was their ball now; as they proceeded down court, passing the ball around, making sure Lynn couldn't keep track of where it was going, sending him in circles._

 _"Come on now, ladies, you gonna shoot and brick, or what?" Lynn pressed._

 _As one of them tried to shoot, Lynn immediately smacked it out of his hands. "Get that weak shit outta here, bro!"_

 _One of them, fed up with the bragging attitude, stepped forward and knocked Lynn to the ground, sending him to the hard concrete. "What the hell?!"_

 _"I'm sick of your shit, asshat!"_

 _Lynn, taken aback, stood up and reasserted himself. "Alright, what's up then, motherf**ker?!"_

 _The boy charged at him, swinging his fists, and catching Lynn in his eye. Momentarily dazed, Lynn charged back and punched the other boy in the forehead, sending him back a few steps. Lynn, not letting up, let out a twirling kick into the other boys' side. The other boy tackled Lynn into a court pole, punching him in the stomach all the time being._

 _At one of the trees away from the court, Luke, who was calmly strumming the tunes of Seals and Crofts, looked and saw the debacle unfolding onto the basketball court._

 _He set his guitar on his shoulder and ran as fast as he could to a park bench, where Loki and Loni were situated. "Dudes, dudes, dudes-"_

 _"The hell's with you, Luke?" Loki asked snidely._

 _"Dudes, Lynn is getting his ass kicked!"_

 _"Wait, what?! He's actually getting kicked in his butt?" Loni asked. Loki rolled his eyes._

 _"No dipshit! He's literally in a fight." Loki turned back toward Luke. "When did this start happening?"_

 _"I don't know, a few seconds ago! Anyway, bros, we gotta go help him!"_

 _"Loni, go get Lane and Link and meet us at the court, we got some business to take care of," Loki declared, cracking his knuckles._

 _Meanwhile, Lynn and the other boy were on the ground, with Lynn kneeling over him and punching him in the jaw. After 3 punches, the other boy rips Lynn's jersey and punches him in the chin, knocking Lynn off._

 _Lynn bled from his mouth and the other boy now stood over him, getting ready to kick him in the face; however, just before he could, he felt himself getting put in a chokehold and dragged, with a voice screaming out "Get off our brother!"_

 _Lynn looked up and saw Loki, Luke, Loni and Lane, throwing the other kid to the ground; the four brothers began simultaneously punching and kicking him; Lane was even stomping on the boy's stomach._

 _Lincoln, witnessing and not wanting to take part in the violence, walked up to Lynn. "Lynn?"_

 _The brunet turned toward his younger brother, his right eye blackened. "Oh, hey 'Stink-oln'."_

 _"You don't look so good."_

 _"Pssh, don't worry about it, you should see the other guy." Lynn stood up and the two watched as the older brothers were still unleashing hell on Lynn's aggressor._

 _Lincoln winced at the display. "You think that's enough?"_

 _Luke, Lane and Loni ceased after a few minutes, while Loki held him on the ground. "You ever mess with one of my brothers again, I'll literally turn you into a f***in' pretzel, you got it?"_

 _The boy, who was bruised and beaten up, nodded. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll leave you alone!"_

 _"Good. Let's keep it that way!"_

 _"Guys," Lane interjected. "We should probably make like eggs and scramble now."_

 _Loki's eyebrows rose. "Shit, you're right! We gotta get the young twerps and bounce!"_

 _And with that, the Loud brothers were gathered up, got into Vanzilla, and left swiftly._

* * *

 ** _Present_**

"And that's how that happened," Lincoln finished. "Now, we're stuck with this."

"Oh yeah, you were doing just fine, with the black eye, bloody mouth, should I go on?" Luke said.

Lynn scowled. "Why did you guys even care anyways?!"

"Because we're bros, bros stick together!" Luke retorted, also donning a scowl.

"I. Can. Take. Care. Of. Myse-"

Lane interrupted the two. "Hold it, hold it, hold it, you two! Let's everybody cool down, alright! It's over! Let's chill the f**k out!

The jokester didn't swear very often (except in some of his more...explicit jokes), but when he did, it was serious.

Luke sat back down on the floor and Lynn turned toward Lincoln. "And you; what were you doing there, Link?"

Lincoln gave no answer.

Lynn sighed. "Little bros should never, ever have to see their big bros hurt. You probably don't even think I'm cool anymore. I bet none of you don't."

"You're wrong," Lincoln started. "You're still our sports loving, still cool brother. Nothing can change that, not even seeing you hurt, y'know?"

"I guess. Thanks, Link."

"That's the spirit," Loni announced.

"Alrighty then, that was getting a little too dramatic there. How about we," Lane took out a bright light bulb from his hammerspace, "brighten the mood, huh? Get it?"

"Seriously, brah?" Luke began, "You didn't even try that time."

Lane rolled his eyes. "Oh f**k you, I thought it was funny."

Loni chuckled.

Lane smirked at Luke. "See, Loni thought it was hilarious."

"That's not saying much, the dude will laugh at anything."

"I'm right here, you know?" Loni spoke up, slightly offended.

"We know." Luke, Lane, Lynn and Lincoln sniggered.

The five brothers saw Loki descending from the stairs, a blank look on his face. "Hey, twerps. Just got read the Riot Act from Mom and Dad."

"Wait, they were reading a play about a riot? Man, they make plays about everything," Loni questioned.

"I-I'm not even gonna dignify that with a response. That is how literally stupid that sounded." Loki sat down between Lynn and Lincoln.

"What'd they say?" Lynn asked. "We're not grounded, are we?"

The eldest blonde brother shook his head. "Nah, nothing on that, just Mom and Dad going, 'You boys should be ashamed of yourselves, getting into fights like that', and 'I expected better. But did you win?'"

The brothers laughed at Loki's impression of their parents.

Lynn looked down at the floor. "Uh, look guys, I-I'm sorry that-"

"No problems, Lynn. You can't shut us out that easy. We're brothers," Loki stated.

Then, the present of the boys announced simultaneously. "And brothers stick together! Bros for life!"

Lincoln turned toward the readers. "See, when you have a set of siblings, no matter what happens, it all works out in the end."

"Now who's up for pizza?" Loni questioned. The boys nodded and looked to Loki for approval.

"I could go for some; I'm literally starved. Just gimme a sec." Loki was typing on the keyboard of his phone. "'Sup, Beebe, what you doin' tomorrow, gurl?'"

"I betcha can't wait to get a 'pizza' that, can ya?" Lane joked, making Loki and Luke chuckle.

"That was still kinda forced, Lane," Lincoln commented.

"Painful is what it was," Lynn added.

"Oh shove it, 'Stink-oln.'"

* * *

 **How was that?**

 **Yes, they swear; for God's sake, they're pre-teen/teen boys!**

 **(P.S. I know genderbent Bobby is called Bebe, but I just think 'Beebe' fits better.)**

 **Read and Review.**


	2. Link's Crush

**The Loud House: Sunset**

While the rest of the Loud family were gathered inside, waiting for Lynn Sr.'s famous casserole (his word's, not anyone else's), we turn our attention to a big tree in the yard.

The tree had the famous brown leaves, the common indicator for the fall season, but there was also a wooden treehouse built within, which is where the teen (and one pre-teen) boys of the big family were currently residing.

The boys were gathered all in one cluster, laughing and joking about random things.

"And then, I took center stage and totally rocked out to my heart's content, brahs!"

The boys cheered at the finishing of Luke's speech; well, all except for Lincoln, who bore a pensive look on his young face.

"Man, that must've been slammin'!" Lynn commented.

"Oh, you better know it!"

"Yeah, I bet when you were comin' home, you took the _Highway to Hell_! Hahaha! Get it, guys?" Lane joked, making Luke laugh, Loki roll his eyes, and Loni...

"Oh right. Wait hold on, I don't get it."

"Of course you don't," Loki responded offhandedly, more concerned with his phone. "So, 'Stink-oln,'" he continued, "anything you wanna tell?"

Lincoln looked up at his brothers, unsure. "Uh, well, I mean, I don't know if it's that important."

"C'mon, you gotta come up with somethin', brah," Luke rang.

"There is one thing, though."

The five brothers listened intently. "I, uh, I-I think I gotta a crush on Ronnie Anne."

The teens gasped and whooped in excitement at Lincoln's declaration, hi-fiving each other while doing so. "Jeez, guys, it's not that big a deal.."

"WHAT?!" Loki shouted, putting his phone down and grabbing Lincoln by the shoulders. "No, this is literally a big f**kin' deal. Our little brother's growing up so fast." The eldest blonde pretended to wipe a tear away.

"Soon, he'll be applying shampoo and cover-up on his lazy days."

All the boys inside turned and stared at Loni. "What? What I do?"

"So, how'd you find out?"

Lincoln scratched his head. "Uh, it came to me after she punched me in the shoulder and pulled my pants down in front of everyone. She just looked so...cute."

"Dude," Loki began. "That means you want her bad. Like 'I can't live wit' out chu' bad." The eldest blonde chuckled, imitating his girlfriend. "I remember the same thing with how I felt about Beebe. Anyway, you should totes tell her."

"That's the thing, I'm kinda nervous on how I should tell her."

"Don't worry, about a thing," Luke sang. "Cause we got some pro tips for you, little dude."

Lincoln turned toward the reader. "Oh brother, why'd I choose now to bring this up?"

"Here's how'd I do it: ya walk up to her and start hittin' on her. Just go 'Hey dollface. How do you do...that thing with ya mouth," Lane suggested, laughing the whole way through. The jokester then turned toward the readers and said "Goodnight everybody! **(*)** "

"That's a retarded idea, bro," Lynn commented, shaking his head.

"Yeah. Besides, innuendos should literally come as a last resort," Loki clarified. "Now shut your clown-ass up, Lane."

"F**k you, peach fuzz," the comic retorted.

"You should literally just pour your heart out to her," the eldest blonde instructed. "Just let her know how much she makes you feel. Be tender."

"*Cough*Sap*Cough*" Luke joked, with all the others snickering.

"Girls love that shit, Link. At least Beebe does."

"I don't know if you guys know, but Ronnie Anne isn't exactly the 'touchy-feely' type," Lincoln explained.

"I got one, I got one," Lynn blurted. "So 'Stink-oln', she play any sports?"

"Yeah, I've seen her skateboarding and doing basketball," Lincoln answered. "What exactly does-"

"-Anyway," Lynn continued, "if you wanna get this girl, all you gotta do is challenge her and beat her at a sport. Once you prove your dominance, then you tell her. Afterwards, she'll be jumping all over you."

"Or she'll get mad and punch him in the face again," Luke retorted.

"But wait, doesn't that mean she likes him still?" Loni asked, confusion lacing his tone.

"...That's the smartest thing you've said so far, Loni," Lynn said.

"Thanks, I-hey!"

"Link, brah," Luke began, moving closer to the ash blonde boy. "You just gotta be all cool and calm about it. Just go 'Hey babe, whaddya say, we goin' out Saturday night?"

"I don't know, that's a little too forward for me," Lincoln stated. He looked down at the wood paneling. "What if she laughs at me?"

"Or, you can sing her a love ballad, just don't be a pussy about it."

"And you call me a sap," Loki mumbled, crossing his arms.

"You can talk to her about fashion, shopping, find out what brand her clothes are-"

Lane interrupted Loni. "Heh, see Loni, we're trying to get him a girlfriend, not a boyfriend."

"Yeah, man, that's so faggy," Lynn said, hi-fiving Lane.

"Ain't that the truth."

Loni scowled and flipped both of them off.

"Alright look guys," Lincoln spoke up. "I appreciate this and all, but maybe I should do this on my own. Without any of your suggestions, or meddling, or-"

"I think we get it," Loki replied. "Fair enough, right guys?" Everyone else nodded.

"But thanks for the help though," Lincoln said.

"No prob, 'Stink-oln'. All part of the Bro Code."

"Come in boys, it's time for dinner," Rita, the Loud matriarch barked out. The six adolescent boys all climbed out of the treehouse (well, Loni tripped and fell out).

Loki went over and punched Luke in the shoulder. "Oww! What was that for?"

"No one calls me a sap," Loki replied.

"Pile on Loki!" Luke rang out; all five of the younger siblings proceeded to jump on the eldest.

* * *

 **(*) If you don't know that reference, you have no childhood; I'll give you a hint: it has to do with Lane's voice actor.**

 **Read and Review, everybody!**


	3. Disagreement, aka The Torture Game

**Lincoln, Lynn, and Lars' Room**

"Link!" Lynn whined, shielding his eyes. "Do you really have to do that in here, bro?"

Between the beds of the Goth and the sports aficionado laid Lincoln, reading one of his new Ace Savvy issues...while clad in his underwear. And only his underwear, to be more specific.

The ash blonde rolled his eyes and looked at the readers. "Here we go again, everybody; 'oh Link, you're reading comics in your underwear again.' Well, it's what I do. It's not weird!"

Lars, currently reading a first edition of Bram Stoker's _Dracula_ , spoke up. "I agree with the sports freak, Lincoln. The sight of you nearly naked is quite uncomfortable. But then again, I like feeling any sort of negative feeling."

Lynn and Lincoln jumped in surprise. "Man, h-how do you do that when we're in the same room?" Lynn questioned.

The Goth shrugged. "Comes naturally."

"See, Lars doesn't really have a problem with me in my underpants," Lincoln reasoned.

"I didn't flat out s-"

"I don't see anything weird about it. Plus, reading comics with my clothes on feels weird."

Lynn pinched the bridge of his nose. "You're around a bunch of dudes, you don't see any problem with that?"

"Hmm...not really, no."

"I'm gonna give you three seconds before I come over there and Lucha libre your ass!" Lynn threatened, holding up a fist.

"You know, you two," Lars interjected, placing his book down. "Instead of using violence, you could do something I would do to settle this."

"Please! Anything to get Lynn off my back and stop whining!" Lincoln exclaimed.

The sports boy gasped. "I am not whining! I'm complaining; you wanna hear whining?!"

The Goth boy snickered. "Haha. Nice MLP line, bro."

"Uh, I-uh, man, that show's for total wussies! And I am not a wuss!"

"It's okay to be in touch with your feminine side, Lynn. We won't judge," Link teased. The ash blonde began laughing at his older brother being flustered. "Even tough guys have a soft side," he continued.

The jock gritted his teeth. "Lars, tell me what this game is before I f**kin' leap across the room and kick both of you in the nuts!" Lynn once again threatened.

"Alright," The Goth's voice took on a far more sinister tone. "It's called torture."

Lynn rolled his eyes. "How creative coming from the Duke of Darkness."

"Thanks. But I prefer 'God of Darkness'."

"That was sarcasm."

However, Lincoln was taken aback by the suggestion. "W-wait," he began. "D-do we really have to torture each other?"

Lars shook his head. "No you plebe. Both of you have to come up with the craziest things you would do to each other, and whoever backs down first wins."

"This still doesn't sound like a good way, Lars!"

"Aww, what's the matter Linky, you chicken?" Lynn goaded, miming the movements of, well, a chicken.

The ash blonde boy turned toward the readers. "This is my older brother everyone. So mature for his age, isn't he?"

"It's ok if you're chicken, 'Stink-oln!'"

Link scowled and turned toward his older brother. "No one calls me chicken! Let's see what you got!"

Lynn smirked at the challenge. "Alright then, uh, I...how does this go again, Duke of Darkness?"

Lars smirked at the nickname. "Just say anything you would want to do to torment Link and vice-versa you couple of plebes!"

"Ok." Lynn took a deep breath and started. "I'll f**kin', I'll f**kin, take all your Ace Savvy comics, put 'em in a blender, turn that thing on, and then I'll feed the papers to Charles!"

Lincoln didn't back down. "Oh yeah, well I'll take all of your balls, deflate them, and throw them over to Mr. Grouse's lawn!"

Lynn gasped. "You wouldn't!"

"You're backing down so quickly?" Link smirked at Lynn's frustration.

"I'll f**kin' tell Loki about that message you left on his phone the other day, and make him turn you into a human pretzel!"

"How do you-I mean, uh, okay, I'll tell mom that it was you who clogged the toilet last night!"

It was Lincoln's turn to be aghast. "You monster!"

Lars, meanwhile, sat back down on his bed and continued reading. "Well this is pretty weak."

"Oh piss off," Lincoln and Lynn said in unison.

The back and forth barbs continued on for a whopping thirty minutes until both boys got tired of it and threw themselves back on their respective beds. Lincoln and Lynn groaned.

"That was a big waste of time," Lynn commented, throwing a tennis ball to the ceiling.

"You can say that again," Lincoln replied.

"How 'bout this: you can read in your skimmies for today, but if I catch you next time, why don't we just do Lucha libre?"

"Much preferable to that stupid torture game," Lincoln said.

Lars furrowed his eyebrows in his book. "Sigh, you two just don't understand the game."

"No one understands you, Lars," Lynn retorted.

"I know. It's depressing; but I like depressing."

"I got a poem," Lincoln rang. "It's called Lars:

 _Hair like tar_

 _Dark as night_

 _Man are you such a spooky sight"_

Lynn 'oooohhed' at the poem and Lars raised an eyebrow (though no one could see it)

"Sigh, your poetic brilliance has once again put me to shame."

Lincoln smiled in contentment and turned toward the reader. "There is one advantage to having 10 brothers: disagreements get settled quickly. Bros for life!"

* * *

 **Read and Review, everybody!**

 **AN: Thank the Wu-Tang Clan for giving me this idea!**


	4. Link and Ronnie Sittin' In a Tree

**Loud House: Afternoon**

The two Loud brothers, Loki and Lincoln, were both in the living room, playing PS4, more specifically, Mortal Kombat X; the screen was flashing lightning and blood and gore as the brothers were playing.

"You're literally goin' down, twerp!" Loki declared, his eyes fixated on the screen.

"Oh, you got another thing coming," Link replied back, furiously mashing the buttons.

The two were deadlocked in their competition, gritting their teeth and paying little attention to anything else in their physical world; it lasted like this for another 5 minutes before the game announced: "Finish him!"

"Aw what?!" Lincoln shouted in disbelief.

The two brothers kept watching as the screen then announced: "Fatality!"

"Oh yeah, go Loki! Best ass shake! You are awesome!" the eldest blonde bragged, shaking his aforementioned ass at Lincoln.

The 11 year old scowled and was going to retort before a ringing at the door interrupted them. "Aha! Here she is right now!" Loki said as he walked to the door; when he opened the door, he saw a girl the same age as he, around 5'9 and wearing a green flannel with only the top 2 buttons secure with a gray belly shirt underneath, her wavy hair in a bun, and blue jeans.

"Sup, Beebe," Loki said, sending a (to him) suave smirk.

"Sup yourself, baby daddy," Beebe replied as she walked inside. "Oh, 'fore I forget, I brought a lil' playmate for Lincoln." Beebe looked back and called out "Oye, Ronnie, come on!"

A girl with black hair in a ponytail, a purple jacket and shorts walked through the door. "Oh look, it's Lame-o," the 11 year old girl said, spotting Lincoln.

Lincoln's eyes widened at the sight of Ronnie Anne. "Oh, uh-h-hi Ronnie Anne," the ash blonde stammered, making the girl snicker.

"Man, you are a dork." Ronnie Anne looked at the screen and smirked at Lincoln. "Mortal Kombat, huh? Bet I could beat'chu."

Lincoln lost his nervous look and playfully glared at Ronnie. "Oh, is that a challenge?"

"Whatsamatter? 'Chu scared?"

"No one calls me chicken! Let's do this."

Loki and Beebe smiled at each other. "All right dudes, I'm done playing. Now if you'll excuse me, the most beautiful princess literally awaits." With that, the two oldest teens began going upstairs.

"So, beautiful princess, huh?" Beebe said as they reached the upstairs hallway.

Loki turned his head frantically. "Ooh, where?"

Beebe laughed and playfully pushed at his shoulder. "Tch, chu crazy."

"I know, that's why you like me." Beebe glomped Loki tightly and began furiously making out with him; the two only stopped when they made it to the door of his room, quickly making their way inside.

Meanwhile downstairs, Lincoln and Ronnie were busy playing against each other. "Aw, come on! You're totally cheating!" Lincoln cried.

"I ain't cheatin', you just suck."

"Oh, we'll see about that!"

4 minutes later...

"Damn it!" the ash blonde exclaimed.

"Hell yeah! What now, lame-o?!" Ronnie Anne bragged, sticking her tongue out at Lincoln; when he looked at her, he felt himself being unable to look away.

 _Wow, she is so cute,_ he thought. _Should I tell her? What if she punches me?_

"Hey, Link, you ok there?" Ronnie Anne said, snapping her fingers and bringing Lincoln back.

"Huh? Oh, right, yeah, I'm okay." The middle child scratched the back of his head and chuckled. "Man, did you see how much of a sap my brother was?"

"You think that was sappy, you should hear my f**kin' doofus of a sister." Ronnie Anne cleared her throat and belted out in a high pitched voice "Oh Loki, chu so big and strong and handsome! Eres mi todo, papi! **(*)** "

Lincoln snickered imitated Loki. "Yeah, you're literally the hottest girl I've ever met, sweet thang."

Ronnie Anne laughed and struck a pose with her right hand on her hip. "Don't get my bad side, baby daddy!"

"You don't have a bad side, Honeybee." The two kids fell off the couch, laughing uncontrollably.

"And don-and don-and don't remind me of-of how descriptive Beebe can be," Ronnie continued. The two kids calmed down and climbed back on the couch.

"I hope we never turn out like that when we're older," Lincoln commented.

"Pssh, nah, I'd have to punch myself in the face if that ever happened," the Latina replied.

A few moments of conversation about random things happened before a thought came to him. _Maybe today I won't wuss out._

"Hey Ronnie?"

"What lame-o?"

"Why do you keep pranking me in school, but you're cool outside?"

Ronnie Anne froze at the question and found her feet quite interesting. "It's none of your business."

Lincoln glanced at Ronnie Anne. "You keep embarrassing me in front of everybody, I'd like to think something like that was my business."

"It's, uh, I mean, uh-tch, I dunno, lame-o," she mumbled.

"Come on, that's BS and you know it." Lincoln sighed at the situation. "Just be real with me."

Ronnie Anne turned toward Lincoln. "Chu wanna know why? It's cuz everyone looks at me like I'm the tough girl of the 6th grade, which I am-tch, I mean, to be honest, I guess I just don't want anybody to think we like each other, tease us, and look at us like we're a couple of f**kin' lovey-dovey saps or somethin'."

Lincoln scooted closer to the Latina. "Wow, that's-that's something, all right."

"I know, huh? Pretty stupid, right?"

"Of course not. Did you ever talk to Beebe about it?"

Ronnie Anne shook her head. "I don't think she'd be able to get it, lame-o."

"You don't know that. It's good to talk to your older siblings whenever you're in a jam."

"I guess." The Latina threw her head back and groaned. "I don't know what to f**kin' do sometimes, lame-o."

"Story of my life, man," Lincoln replied. "But don't worry, I don't think you're going soft or anything. If last week taught me, you're still as sharp as ever."

The two kids looked at the ceiling; Lincoln turned his eyes at Ronnie, who didn't notice him at that very moment, when a melody emerged seemingly from nowhere.

 _There are times, when you need someone_

 _I will be by your side_

 _There is a light that shines_

 _Special for you and me_

Lincoln and Ronnie Anne perked up at the song, which was most likely coming from the one, musical Loud brother.

"Oh, this is so rich," Lincoln chuckled at the reader. "Why not just tap me on the shoulder and say 'Just do it Link, quit being a pussy'?"

"Pssh, how sappy of a song is that?" Ronnie Anne mocked.

Lincoln decided to speak up. "Ronnie Anne, I got something to tell you."

"What is it, lame-o?"

Lincoln sighed and continued. "Ever since a few months ago, when you first gave me that note with your number on it, I-I didn't know what to think."

The Latina raised her right eyebrow at that statement.

The ash blonde chuckled nervously. "Uh, hehe, th-then, there was the time you pantsed me in front of the whole school; I was watching you walk away laughing, and-I guess what I'm trying-well, not really _trying_ , but _doing_ is-"

 _I'll take my chances_

 _Before they pass, pass, pass_

 _Pass me by_

What Ronnie Anne did next shocked Lincoln; the tomboy grabbed both sides of his face and quickly mashed her lips onto his own. It lasted for about 10 seconds before she broke away, leaving the middle Loud child speechless.

 _You need to look at the other side_

 _You'll agree_

"Yeah, I like you too," she said, smirking at Lincoln's fish-out-of-water expression.

The boy was currently wide-eyed and touching his lips with the tips of his finger. "Uh, s-so, no punch in the face or anything like that?"

Ronnie Anne giggled at how much Lincoln was flustered. "No, of course not, lame-o. Lighten up."

"Uh, wow, Ronnie Anne, I-I don't know what to say."

The Latina shoved one of the PS4 controllers to his chest. "Shut up and play," she commented. Both pre-teens laughed and continued playing Mortal Kombat X.

During the course of their competition, however, during a moment where they were waiting for the game to load up, Lincoln somehow found the courage to kiss Ronnie Anne in the same way she kissed him; the girl was so shocked by his bravado that she didn't play as hard as she would normally...

* * *

 **The Treehouse - Sunset**

"Oh man, that kiss was the best moment of my 11 year old life, guys!"

Loki, Loni, Luke, Lane, and Lynn all whooped and cheered for their younger brother as he relayed his tale about the earlier hours.

"See, I knew you could bag ya'self a sweet dame, Link," Lane congratulated, slapping Link on the back.

"That sounded so romantic, like, out of, like, Titanic or something," Loni commented; the guys, except for Link, gagged at the comment.

"Gay!" Luke and Lynn rang, bro-fisted.

"Man, I get way more girls than both of you! Like, you guys suck!" Loni retorted.

"So, the lil' twerp likes 'em spicy, huh?" Loki said, grinning at aforementioned younger brother; Link scratched the back of his head and chuckled nervously.

"Heh, aw come on guys, it's not like that."

"Oh bollocks to that, mate!" Luke began in his faux-English accent. "You're gettin' around that age where you see a girlie and pop a biggie **(*)** , no shame in it."

"Wait, what's a biggie? Is that guy, like, coming back to life? Awesome!" Loni cheered with a stupid smile on his face.

"For God's sake, Loni, it isn't that _hard_ to figure out," Lane joked, making everyone else groan. Lane proceeded to blow a kiss to the readers. "Goodnight Everybody!"

"You know, maybe you're not so much of a wuss after all, 'Stink-oln'," Lynn complimented. "I mean, you could have made the first move, but as long as you got in some smoochin' action, you're all good."

"Aw, thanks guys, I, uh, I really appreciate it," Link said. The 11 year old soon felt a vibrating in his pocket; he took out his phone and saw Ronnie Anne's number on the screen.

"Who's that, Link? Your _Foxy Lady_?" Luke asked, strumming out a few notes of the famous song.

Lincoln blushed. "You know, I'm just gonna head inside now." The rest of his brothers laughed as Lincoln climbed down from the tree house and onto the ground.

"Tell her how much she completes you!" Loni shouted at Lincoln, who was now walking into the Loud House.

The five brothers all glanced among each other. "So, should we tell him it was me and Beebe's idea to bring Ronnie over?" Loki asked.

After a few seconds passed, the brothers all reached a consensus with a resounding "NAH!"

* * *

 **(*) Eres mi todo - You are my everything**

 **(*) Biggie - British slang for boner**

 **The song lines in Italics are from the chorus of 'The Light' by Common.**

 **Anyways, read and review! :)**


	5. A Tale of Two Tables

**The Loud House: Night**

The entire Loud family was gathered in the dining room with their usual routine of eating dinner; the older teens got to sit with their mother and father, in what was dubbed 'the grown-up table', while the younger siblings were off near the door threshold at 'the kids table'.

We see Lincoln, the oldest one at the kids' table, enjoying his peas when a hot dog link poked him in the face. "Would you cut it out," the ash blonde said, annoyed. He went back to eating his food when another hot dog link was thrown at the same spot on his face.

"Come on, bro, stop!"

Lincoln went back once again to try and enjoy his meal, when the two hot dog links decided that slapping him in the face was ideal. The 11 year old scowled and stood up.

"I said f-freakin' cut it out!" he shouted, nearly letting loose a swear. We see that Lexx and Leif, laughing at Lincoln's annoyance, were the ones throwing hot dogs in his face; Lars was stoically eating his food, not moving a muscle; Levi was taking a sip of his soda, which spilled when he placed it too close to the edge of the table; Leon was just being himself and was throwing mashed potatoes everywhere.

"Normally, you would think that the 'kiddie table' was something you only see at holidays," Lincoln said to the reader. "But in the Loud house, it's just another part of life."

"Hey Link, you like sea food?" Leif asked before sticking his tongue out at the ash blonde. "See, food! Bleeehhh!"

 _Man, even Lane would find that lame. Hehe, that rhymed,_ Link thought to himself.

"Hey Lars!" Lexx called out; he stuck two french fries between his gums. "I vant to suck your blooood!"

The squirted ketchup that landed on Link's face was open season for anyone with french fries; his younger brothers started poking him with their fries.

"For God's sake, man, can't I just eat my food in peace?!"

"Did you say 'peas'?" Leif said before launching peas at Levi with a spoon.

"Oh, sho you wanna play like that, huh?" Levi threatened as he placed a mini-catapult on the table. After hitting Leif, the messy 6 year old leaped across the table and tackled the science prodigy.

Lincoln looked back at the audience. "This is total B.S. My older brothers get to sit at the 'grown-up' table with Mom and Dad," he stated, showing the reader the rest of the Loud family, eating at a brown table in relative peace.

Lars glared at Lincoln. "How can you eat that broccoli? When you know how much it suffered to get here?"

"Uh, Lars, I don't think broccoli can feel."

"Oh no?" The Gothic boy's eyes darkened even more before hovering his piece of broccoli in Lincoln's face. "Listen to the broccoli's anguished, pained screams of pure, unadulterated agony! LISTEN TO IT!"

"You got a lot of problems, don't you?"

Lincoln groaned and wondered what it would be like to eat with the grown ups...

 _Lincoln was sitting at the far right end of the grown up table, clad in a silver tuxedo and slicked back hair. "So then I said to the prime minister 'two heads are better than one." Fantasy!Lincoln's voice dripped with pretension._

 _Everyone at the grown up table laughed at the...well...last part of the joke. "Your comedy is so mature, Link ol' chap, just like you," Fantasy!Lane commented in the same pretentious tone._

 _"To Lincoln," Fantasy!Loki spoke up, raising a coupe glass. "He puts the 'grown-up' in 'grown-up table'."_

Lincoln was brought out of his fantasy by Leon throwing mashed potatoes in his face. "That's it!" he roared, standing up from his seat. "I don't belong here! I'm gonna go ask if I could join the grown-up table."

Lexx and Leif laughed at the declaration. "Good luck," Leif snarked.

"Do you honestly think they're gonna let _you_ sit at the grown-up table," Lars commented, derision evident in his tone. This prompted the rest of the younger brothers to let out a resounding 'OOOOOOOO'.

Lincoln scowled and turned toward his younger brothers. "You'll see! I'm gonna get to sit at the grown-up table, and leave you _children_ behind."

"Whatever," Levi retorted. Leon threw more mashed potatoes at Lincoln's face. "Good job, Leon!"

"Bro-bro!" the baby said in response.

* * *

 **Lincoln, Lynn, and Lars' Room**

"Well, Link, you came to the right place."

That was the voice of Lincoln's best friend since 1st grade, Claudia 'Cloudy' McBride; the black girl had long, bushy black hair kept in cornrows, glasses, a striped shirt, and a black skirt. The two eleven year olds were sitting on Link's bed in the middle of the room.

"As an only child, I've been at the grown-up table my whole life," she continued, smirking in Lincoln's direction.

"So, you think you can help me, Cloudy?" Lincoln asked.

"Did Napoleon have a Napoleon complex?"

Lincoln raised an eyebrow in confusion, prompting Cloudy to shake her head. "Bruh, you gotta start paying attention in history class. Anyway, I got a surefire plan that'll make everyone stop seein' you as a kid-"

"-and start seeing me as a grown-up," Lincoln finished, glee on his face as he envisioned his future prospects. He looked back at Cloudy, who was accidentally crushing his beloved, childhood toy with her elbow. "Careful, you're gonna get Bun-Bun hurt. Are you ok? Don't worry, Bun-Bun I'll take care of you."

Cloudy shook her head at the display. "Alright, step 0: no more of this," she announced, snatching Bun-Bun from her friend.

"Bun-Bun!" Lincoln exclaimed.

"Now, onto phase one!" Cloudy declared, raising her right finger in the air.

* * *

 **Acting Like a Grown-Up**

It was morning time in the Loud House, and Loki, Luke, Lane, and Lynn were all gathered in the kitchen, drinking their morning coffee, when they spotted Lincoln strutting in, a content smirk on his face.

"Good morning, my fellow brothers," the ash blonde greeted. His brothers looked at him, slight annoyance in his cheery tone.

"Ahh, nothin' like that first cup of mornin' joe," Lincoln commented. He quickly poured a mug for himself and tasted it; the heat, plus the strong taste prompted the 11 year old to spit the drink out, with the drink hitting his four brothers.

Lincoln looked at the threshold toward Cloudy, who smiled and gave a thumbs up; the girl then winced as she saw Loki tackle Link to the floor, and the two got into a scuffle.

"OW, OW, not my eye!" Lincoln rang out.

Later on in the day, in the living room, Loki was busy texting Beebe, and Loni was clipping his toenails. Lincoln strutted in, this time reading a newspaper.

"Hey guys, there's this cool article on how kids are maturing much faster these days," Lincoln announced.

"Uh-huh, that's cool, whatever," Loni said, clipping his big toenail.

"They say 11 is the new 15." At hearing this, Loki and Loni stopped momentarily and gazed at their younger brother...then went back to what they were doing.

Lincoln scowled and threw the newspaper to the ground; he picked up the remote and turned on the TV to find that it was on C-SPAN (God, I hate that channel). "Huh, would you look at that, the House is debating that new bill I keep hearing about."

"Are you feeling ok, Link?" Loki asked.

"What? I never felt better," Lincoln began. He proceeded to stretch his arms and his back, which popped and crackled. "Though my back's feelin' a little stiff. Guess that's what happens when you get older, right?"

The two brothers on the couch shrugged, not even paying attention closely to what their younger brother was saying.

"Gahhhh! Son of a bitch!" Loki shouted, holding his left eye as one of Loni's clipped toenails flew into it.

Cloudy held up another thumbs up at Lincoln as she stood near the stairway.

After this, we cut to the upstairs hallway, where Lexx and Leif were fighting over a rope. "I was using it first!" Lexx said.

"Nuh-uh, I was!" Leif retorted.

The two twins continued to argue and pull at the opposite ends of the rope until they heard the sound of a voice. "Lexx, Leif, what's going on up there!" Lynn Sr. shouted. He then saw Lincoln slide into the scene.

"Don't worry Dad, I got this." Lincoln pulled out a pair of scissors. "Now _children_ , if you can't share the rope, then neither of you can use it." Lincoln then cut the rope at it's center, sending the twins flying back.

"Huh, kids, they just don't get it, am I right Dad?"

Lynn Sr., confused beyond belief, simply scratched his head at the scene and walked away. "That boy isn't right," he mumbled.

Lexx and Leif both rushed at Lincoln and started beating the ash blonde up. "OW, OW, that's my eye!"

After trying to see what shaving his face would feel like, Lincoln walked back into his room with Cloudy in tow; the ash blonde had bandages across his face. "Maybe I shouldn't have used the razor Mom uses to shave her legs."

"But that's alright though, because now you've shown your fam that you can act like a grown up, and that you belong at the grown-up table," Cloudy announced. "Now, onto phase two."

* * *

 **Advanced Table Manners**

"This is the grown-up table simulator."

Cloudy and Lincoln were at a makeshift grown-up table, with cloth spread out on said table, and cardboard cut-outs of Link's entire older portion of the family.

"Now, show me your salad fork."

Lincoln, looking down at the table, picked up one of the forks that was to his left side, but closer to the bowl. At seeing this, Cloudy blew an soccer horn in Link's face.

"Gahh! Shit!" Link said, falling out of his chair in surprise at the loud (hehe) noise.

"That's your dinner fork, fool!" Cloudy corrected. After Link recovered back into his chair, she continued. "Now, pick up some bread."

Lincoln looked around the table and decided to pick up some bread that was to his right, prompting Cloudy to blow the soccer horn once again. "No! That's Loki's bread." The black girl scowled at the visage of cardboard!Loki. "On second thought, take the bread Link. F**kin' douche, f**kin, gahh, f**kwad..."

*HORN*

"Cloudy," Link reminded, bringing the girl out of her rage induced slight.

"Oh, hehehe, sorry, but your oldest brother's super anger-inducing," she justified.

Lincoln shook his head and turned toward the viewer. "I'll never understand why she hates Loki so much."

* * *

After the table simulator lesson, Lincoln and Cloudy were back in Link's room, with the girl prepping Link on the different modes of silverware.

"Soup spoon, salad fork, butter knife, dessert plate."

"Keep it up, Link, you got this, bruh!" Cloudy encouraged, still cycling through the flashcards.

Lincoln paused and raised his eyebrow at one of the cards. " 'Are you not feeling fresh down there?' W-what?!"

"Nothing!" Cloudy tried to cover up, blushing beyond belief. "Anyway, ya got heart, brother, just keep going!"

"Yeah! I'm all grown up!"

"Not yet, young Jedi. Onto the last phase..."

* * *

 **Look Like a Grown-Up**

The two middle schoolers were in the attic of the Loud House, standing in front of an old, oval shaped, vanity mirror.

Lincoln was clad in an oversized, silver suit, hanging off his small body. "Wait a minute! This is my Dad's favorite suit, Cloudy!"

The girl in question rolled her eyes. "Well, you wanna look grown-up or not?"

Lincoln groaned in response. "I suppose so."

"Good." Cloudy pulled out some measuring tape and proceeded measuring the seams, arms, torso, and legs of her friend.

* * *

"I think my work here is done."

Cloudy and Link were in the bathroom, with Link in a barber's chair; the boy had his hair slicked back, and was wearing a modified version of his father's silver suit.

"Ready for the grown-up table, big guy?" she asked.

Link smirked. "Does Napoleon have a Napoleon complex?" The two laughed at the forced reference, until Link paused. "I still don't get it."

"And that's why you suck at history class, Link."

* * *

 **Dinner Time - Grown-up table**

Lincoln peeked out at the grown-up table from the threshold near the stairs before walking in. "Hello and good evening, everybody."

No one paid attention until Lincoln raised his voice. "I have something to say!"

This is when everyone at the table had their eyes on the ash blonde, who cleared his throat. "There comes a time when a man must put aside childish things, and make that big leap-"

"Blah blah blah, get to the point, Link," Loki interrupted; Lincoln scowled at him.

"Don't rush me." At this point, the pre-teen took a deep breath and moved closer. "Idon'tthinkIshouldhavetositatthekiddietableanymoreandIwannasitatthegrownuptablewithyou!"

The brothers could only blink at the rapid fire pace Lincoln was speaking, while Lynn Sr. and Rita were mulling it over. "You know what, honey," Lynn Sr. began. "I...think he's ready. How 'bout you?"

"I guess it is time. I think he can handle it," Rita responded, shrugging.

"Aw yeah!" Lincoln cheered, throwing his hands in the air, ripping the suit he was wearing.

"What the hell?! Is that my favorite suit?" Lynn Sr. exclaimed.

Rita put her hand over his in comfort. "Now honey, it's not that big a deal..."

"But Ritaaaa!" Papa Loud whined.

The mom of the family rolled her eyes. "You can buy another one this weekend."

"Woohoo!" Lynn Sr. cheered.

Lane snickered at the display of both his parents. "Something funny, Lane?" Rita asked.

"Uh, why no mother, whatever do you mean?" the jokester saved himself, putting on a phony British accent like Luke does.

Lincoln sat down at the far left end of the grown up table and stared down at his plate. "Liver? I thought we were having chicken nuggets?"

"That's just for the younger kids, dear. At the grown up table, we eat grown-up food," Rita clarified.

"Tch, speak for yourself," Lynn Sr. mumbled with his mouth full, prompting Rita to elbow him at his side.

"And thank goodness for grown-up food," Lincoln said, knowing he was only reassuring himself. When he took a bite of the liver, he immediately recoiled at the taste, but didn't spit it out for fear of disappointing everyone at the table.

As time went on, Lincoln found that his enthusiasm for being at the grown-up table was slightly waning, what with topics like "How'd you do on that algebra test, Junior?" or "So Loki, I heard Beebe's dad had a hernia operation, how'd it go?"

Lincoln tried to spice up the dinner talk. "So, I heard a funny joke-"

"Uh, Link," Lane whispered. "We...we can't tell jokes at the table." His tone was one of horror.

"Or sing, brah," Luke added, disappointment in his voice.

Lincoln frowned and looked at what was going on at the kiddie table; he saw all his younger brothers singing:

 _Beans beans_

 _The musical fruit_

 _The more you eat_

 _The more you_

Leif finished the song by pulling off an armpit fart, prompting laughter from everyone at the kiddie table, even Lars!

Meanwhile, Lincoln only felt his boredom increase exponentially as there were no jokes, no singing, and nothing remotely interesting even happening at the grown-up table.

 _"Oh man, what was I thinking, the grown-up table is a nightmare, I want out_ , Link thought to himself.

 _"No, what are you saying, you moron?! If you pussy out now, they won't ever take you seriously again,"_ his negative conscience told him.

 _"But it's sooooooo boring and not-fun. Goodness gracious!"_

 _"That's what being a grown-up is all about."_

 _"If that's the case, then I wanna be a kid again! I wanna joke around, sing, be silly and stupid! Anything to get rid of the boredom!"_

 _"You can't go back, Lincoln, you're one of them now, you're one of them now, you're one of them now..."_

Everyone at the table noticed that Lincoln was spaced out, his right eye twitching. "Uh, Lincoln, you okay son?" Lynn Sr. asked, bringing Lincoln out of his stupor.

"Huh? What? Oh-uh, y-yeah I-I uh, I think I'm all finished with dinner now," the ash blonde said. "Now, what's for dessert?"

"Dessert? Lincoln, you know only the younger kids get that," Rita answered.

Lincoln huffed out of annoyance. "Seriously?!" He banged his fists on the table for emphasis. Momma, Papa Loud, and the rest of his older siblings raised their eyebrows at this. "Uh, I mean 'seriously, who needs the extra calories, am I right? Hehehe,'" He chuckled nervously.

"This is too painful. I'm sorry, I just-I have to be the one to say this, I can't hold back anymore," Lynn Sr. announced. "Link, buddy, you're only 11 years old! You got your whole life ahead of you! Listen to yourself! 'Calories'! Wearing my favorite damned suit! Son, be a kid! Stop trying to act older than what you really are! And I also want some dessert too!"

"You're right, Dad," Loki agreed. "Why didn't we see it sooner? I mean, C-SPAN, really twerp?"

"Even your father and I think it's boring," Rita admitted, with Lynn Sr. nodding along.

"And let's not forgot 'Stink-oln's' shaving mishap," Lane added. "I gotta say, you weren't lookin' very 'sharp' afterwards."

The entire table was laughing their heads off at the forced, but still welcome, pun.

"Haha! Oh man, bro!" Luke laughed. "And coffee? Coffee's not for kids, brah!"

Lincoln grabbed some nearby asparagus and stuck them between his gums. "Hey Loni, I vant to suck your blooood!"

"Gahhh! Link's a vampire," Loni responded, covering his eyes in fear.

Lincoln chewed on the asparagus. "Hey Lynn, you like sea food? See, food! Blehhhh!"

Lynn Jr. recoiled at the spittle from Lincoln's joke. "Come on Link, the f**k?!"

"Junior, watch your language!" Lynn Sr. reprimanded.

"You didn't say the magic word." Lincoln proceeded to throw peas in Lynn's direction, which led the sports lover to throw his peas back at his brother.

"Food fight at the kiddie table!" Luke bellowed. And with that, the older siblings, plus Lincoln, all moved to the kiddie table and had an old fashioned food fight; food was covering the walls, the floor, the pictures, etc.

"Wow, never knew it would come to this," Lynn Sr. commented.

"I kinda had a feeling, but I thought they'd be able to at least keep it under control until tomorrow," Rita added. The Loud parents listened to the food fight that was going on in the next room.

"You thinkin' what I'm thinkin', honey?" Lynn Sr. said.

"That we act like responsible parents and put a stop to this?"

"Pssh, hell no, let's join in and have some fun!"

Rita shrugged at her man-child of a husband. "Eh, what the hell?"

"Woohoo!" And with that, the Loud family were all fully engaged in one chaotic, messy, food fight for the ages.

Life is all swell in the Loud House...

* * *

 **Man, this sure was long.**

 **Read and Review!**


	6. A Bro's Lament

**Royal Oak High School**

School had just let out for the four eldest of the Loud brothers, who were all walking down the hallways, telling each other about what had happened in their respective days there; surprisingly enough, Loni was absent from the crew.

"Oh man, Lane, I can't believe you got sent to the f**kin' principal's office for the fourth time in a row this week," Luke said, barely able to contain his laughter.

"That wasn't even my fault and they know it," the comedian complained, arriving at his locker; upon inspection, his locker was adorned with multiple posters of famous stand-up comedians and famous comedy movies. "If they didn't want any trouble, should've kept their mouths shut."

"Well, you were the one who backsassed Mr. Dupri in psychology class earlier," Luke reminded.

"Hey!" Lane exclaimed, pointing a finger at his rockstar brother. "That guy's a total dick! He deserved it!"

As Loki watched his brothers banter, he cleared his throat. "Ladies, you're literally both pretty. Now let's go."

The comic and the rocker both made faces at him. "What are you, a fag?" Luke mocked, making Lane snicker at their eldest brother.

"It's all right, we won't judge ya. But ya might wanna let Beebe in on ya little secret," Lane further mocked; Loki blushed in anger as his two younger brothers were laughing at him.

"Just go to Vanzilla before I kick both of you in the nuts! I gotta get Loni," the blonde threatened; the two of them stopped laughing momentarily and walked toward the exit, but not before Luke called out,

"Don't worry, we'll wait for you and your boyfriend!"

Loki shook his head at the antics of his family. "Now, where is Loni, that f**king idiot," he mumbled to himself as he walked down the hallways.

While Loki did love his simple brother with all his heart, at school was another story. The two barely hung out for a number of reasons, with one of them being that because of Loni's simple nature, the eldest blonde felt that he was cramping his style among his senior class peers, thinking especially of what his friend, Cecil Pingrey, would say about him; the other reason: he was too occupied with his girlfriend. The result is that Loki would barely know what was going on with his simple-minded sibling.

As Loki was about to turn the corner, he heard the sound of giggling coming from the other side; creeping behind the corner, Loki peeked his eye out to see Loni, up against the lockers talking to a blonde haired girl on his right side.

 _'Looks like my bro's getting some flirting action,'_ he thought to himself. _'No matter, I'll wait.'_

Loni watched as the blonde haired girl opened her locker to put books in; she had a blue headband, eye shadow, and what could only be described as Sunday-school attire, only blue. "Thanks for helping me out, Carol," Loni said.

The girl, Carol, stood up and closed her locker. "No problem, Loni. Anything for a friend."

"Tch, yeah, like, the only one I got here," the blonde Loud said, his voice tinged with a hint of sadness.

Carol stood up and held a look of concern. "Don't say that. I mean, don't you have your brothers?"

"Most of them, at least," Loni replied. "Everyone else thinks I'm, like, a total retard, and I'm starting to believe it."

"You shouldn't give a shit about what they say! They don't even know half of you," Carol retorted, her face firm. "And you shouldn't believe it-"

"But I do!" Loni blurted; he then sighed at his outburst and slumped to the ground. "God, Carol, like, I-I can just-I can feel all the looks they give me in class! I can see how they avoid me! But they all, like, think ol' Loni's too f**king retarded to notice, am I right?"

Carol slumped down next to Loni and put her hand on his shoulder. "I don't avoid you, Loni. In fact, I honestly think you're the coolest guy here. I mean, you're a gentleman, you can be funny, not to mention, you give great fashion tips. That must count for something."

"I'd like to think it does," Loni replied, his eyes downcast. "It's just-sometimes, like-Carol, don't you ever wish you can be, like, something else?"

"Like what, exactly?"

"Like, like my brother Loki. He's got a kajillion friends, no one ever rags on him for being a retard-but it's, like-I feel like he's just constantly avoiding me too. I wouldn't blame him."

Carol reached over and cupped Loni's face. "Look at me," she instructed. "You are just fine the way you are, Loni Loud. Anyone else that doesn't see that are missing out on something good. And you know what? Shame on Loki for not wanting to be around you!"

The aforementioned blonde around the corner sighed in regret; how could he be so selfish as to not consider the feelings of his simple minded, but brother nonetheless. He clenched his fist, trying to contain the guilt that he felt from the words.

"I mean, he is still my bro though," he heard Loni say. "I just-I don't know what to do, Carol."

"Talk to him about it," Carol began. "If he thinks hanging around you is gonna cramp his 'style', then maybe he isn't the family you thought he was."

Loni gained a look of determination on his face. "Yeah! Yeah, I'm, like, totally gonna do that! Thanks Carol!"

The two stood up and Carol hugged Loni in support. "Tell me how it goes after," she whispered. Loni hugged her back, grateful that she listened to him.

* * *

Out in the parking lot, Loni began marching toward Loki and by extension Vanzilla. "Hey, I got something to say to you!" he declared.

However, before Loni could continue on with what he was going to do, the eldest of the Loud brothers held his hand up. "You can hang with me and Cecil tomorrow. At the cool, senior table," Loki said. He watched as his younger brother's eyes widened in surprised.

"W-wait, like, how did y-"

"I literally realized that I don't hang out with you a lot in school, but you know what? I feel like shit for that, and you probably do too, so we're gonna be bros for life tomorrow, and everyone's gonna see it."

Loni almost had a tear fall from his eye. "Wow, uh, thanks Loki. But, like, how did know what I was gonna say? Are you, like, one of those salami guys or something?"

"They're called 'swamis', Loni," Loki corrected. "And no, I just, uh, I just had a feeling." The two brothers hopped inside of Vanzilla, with Loki at the driver's seat and Loni on the passenger seat.

"Ugh, finally, took you dudes long enough!" Luke commented from the back seat.

"Shut up, we're having a moment," Loki replied back. He then smiled at Loni. "Whaddya say? Bros for life?"

Loni smiled back and fist bumped the eldest. "Bros for life!"

"Awesome! Now let's get some pizza!" Everyone in the van cheered as they drove off.

As they were driving, Loki decided to bring something up. "So Loni, you and Cecil's sister, huh?"

"Wait, you mean Carol? Like, how did you-"

"Just like before: a feeling..."

* * *

 **Wanted to try something a tad more serious.**

 **Read and Review.**


	7. Game of Louds

The skies of Royal Oak were of a dark grey, with a sort of cold brightness adding to the atmosphere. It was also slightly windy, judging by how the remaining leaves and bushes were dancing about; but most importantly, it was also raining. Not too hard to say it was raining cats and dogs, but not too soft for it to be a simple sprinkle.

This brings us to the Loud House; within the mostly male family, they would say that just because it was raining outside, that didn't mean it would take away from the fun. The one who mostly played outside during the rain was Leif, given the boy's fascination with all things messy, which just so happened to include mud. Yes, Leif was indeed outside, in the middle of the yard, but he was not the only one.

"The time has come, Sir Leif!" rang the voice of the other twin, Lexx, or for the purpose of their playtime, King Lexington. The boy was wearing a pink king's outfit, yes scepter included, and was standing in front of a makeshift castle made completely out of wood. "Loud-a-lot has been under attack by a dangerous, dark lord. Are you up for the task of defeating him?"

"Heck yeah I am!" Sir Leif cheered, pumping a fist in the air. The messy twin was wearing a cape over his normal overalls and holding a toy sword.

The young pretend king face palmed. "No no no, my good man. You're supposed to say 'Yes, King Lexington, I will not fail you'. Stick to the script."

"Blah blah blah blah blah," the aforementioned brother mocked. "Let's just kick some butt already!"

"Uggghh, fine." King Lexington moved behind his makeshift castle. "Now, go fight my wars for me!" he declared, pretending that he was sipping tea.

"Alright!" Leif treaded through the rainy, slick, slippery ground of the backyard, his eyes peering from left to right, trying to find whatever 'dark lord' that King Lexington spoke about.

"Did someone say 'dark'?" a voice rang out, making Sir Leif jump in shock. As soon as he reoriented himself, he saw the Duke of Darkness himself, Lars, in front of him; the Gothic Loud's face was even more obscured by the black cloak and hood he had to shield himself from the rainfall.

"You!" Sir Leif called out, pointing at Lars. At that moment, the rainfall got just a little harder and the wind was picking up speed.

"Yes, it is I. How observant of you," the dark lord commented; Sir Leif gripped his toy sword and peered at Lars' sword, which hung at his side.

"Come on! Aren't you gonna draw?" the pretend knight questioned.

Lars walked toward the rain soaked bushes and took out two thick, hefty looking sticks; he threw one of them at the ground near Sir Leif. The knight looked down at the stick, noticing how the raindrops hit against it at full speed.

"What the heck is this?"

"It is your weapon." Lars' tone was flat, as if he was expecting his younger brother to know what he was talking about.

"Aw, you gotta be kidding!" Sir Leif narrowed his eyes and held his toy sword out in front of him in a challenging stance. "Let's get down to business, I wanna kick some butt, bro!"

Lars only glanced at his brother. "It is _your_ weapon that remains to be drawn." He then turned his back on Sir Leif. "You have not yet earned the right to face my blade."

"Oh, I'll earn your blade," Sir Leif growled before picking up the stick. He ran at Lars, intent on making sure that this battle would be over as swiftly as possible; however, Lars did something unexpected at the last moment before Leif would arrive to strike him.

*SWOOP*

Lars, in the blink of an eye, tripped up Leif, making the messy knight face plant into the muddied ground. While thankful for the mud, Leif quickly stood back up to strike, only to have Lars turn toward him and block it.

"Do you really think you can beat me?" Lars challenged quietly. The two brothers began sparring back and forth, the sounds of sticks clashing with each other. It was mainly Sir Leif who was the proactive one in this battle, with Lars simply taking steps from either direction and calmly blocking whatever Leif threw his way.

"Come on, brave knight!" Lexx encouraged. "You can defeat the dark lord! Crush him!"

After a short time, Lars dodged another swipe from Sir Leif's stick before hitting him in the shin with his own stick. "Ow, dude!" Leif exclaimed. "Oh that's it, I'm gonna-"

*THWACK*

That was the sound of Lars smacking the stick out of Leif's hand, making the stick fly upward and fall onto the sidewalk. "Will you stand and fight? Or will you cower and run?" Lars questioned, his stick now faintly touching Leif's nose.

The pretend knight's face was steeled in determination. "Run? Pssh, heck no!"

Lars smirked and threw his stick down. "You have now earned the right to face my blade."

However, just as Lars and Leif were about to throw down, Lynn Sr. came out of the front door. "C'mon boys, it's getting stormy out!"

"Aww, but daaaaad!" Leif whined, "I was just about to face off against the dark wizard Lars!"

"And I was just about to take credit if he won," Lexx also interjected.

Lynn Sr. rolled his eyes. "You can fantasy play-fight inside. You know your mother gets when it's all stormy like this, so let's go!" The three boys sighed in defeat and trudged on inside, but not before their father said "And you better not be tracking in here, Leif!"

Before they got inside, Lars smirked at his younger, messy brother. "You wouldn't have beaten me anyways, foolish little brother." And with that, Lars, Leif and Lexx all got inside, with Lynn Sr. shouting "Leif! What did I just say?!" as they ran upstairs.

* * *

 **A short drabble about the younger brothers fantasizing/play fighting.**

 **Read and Review, and may the New Year bring you good fortune!**


	8. House Music - Bro Edition

**Hey, it's been a while. I'm slowly coming back, let's do this!**

* * *

All of the brothers were gathered around the coffee table listening to Lincoln, who was pointing to a poster labeled 'Family Fun Fair'.

"Guys, we gotta think of something. The family fair is tonight and we've got nothing," Lincoln stressed.

Lynn Jr. shot up. "Ooh, I know! A family trapeze act. It'll be so awesome!"

"Justh becauth you've fractured every bone from your maxthima to your metatarsthals doesn't mean we wish to," Levi argued. Lynn scowled at the four year old.

"Yeah whatever, nerd."

"I know," began Lexx, who bounced up. "A family photo shoo-wait, that would take years to prepare for," he finished, sneering at the rest of his brothers.

"I say we wrestle alligators!" shouted Leif, who leapt from his spot near the table and tackled Lincoln. In a few seconds flat, he had his older brother pinned onto the ground.

Lincoln threw Leif off him. "Leif that's a terrible-!"

"You're right." Leif pulled out a lasso and wrangled Lincoln. "Cattle roping's cooler."

"We need something we can all do," Lincoln said. "Besides, we're saving alligator wrestling for next year."

"Then let's do my idea!" Lynn argued.

"Nope, mine," Lane rang out.

"How 'bout mine?" Loni asked.

"No way," Loki replied. The brothers started arguing and tassling with each other.

Lincoln watched the scene unfold in front of him, his eyes dropping downward and sighs. "This is going so well," he mumbled to himself.

Luke's, who wisely stayed out of the scuffled, eyes rang up and a smile beamed on his face. He pulled out his purple electric guitar (which was totally manly!) and strummed, bringing an end to his brothers' fighting.

"Dudes, I got the perfect idea!" he began. "What about a family band?"

The suggestion got everyone nodding their heads in agreement, until Loki spoke up. "But we literally have no musical skills."

The moment he finishes, everyone hears what sounds like a saxophone crooning out a smooth, low tenor tune, suited for jazz clubs late at night. Everyone turned to the source, which happened to be their resident comedian.

"What?" Lane began. "I know more than jokes. I can 'sax' up the ladies too. Hehehe, get it?"

"Holy shit bro, you play something?" Luke asked.

"I'm no slouch with the organ either," said Lars, who startled his brothers for the umpteenth time.

"Lars, we forgot you were there!"

"Story of my life. Anyway, I can play a piano."

"That's awesome, bro!" Luke cheered. "Remember, rock n roll's not always about being the best, it's about having fun."

"What idiot said that," Lynn scorned.

"Snozzy Snozbourne."

"Of course."

Luke looked to everyone. "Anyone else know how to play anything?"

All of the Loud brothers looked around themselves and smirked. They all ran out of the house and toward the garage.

Well, everyone but Lincoln. "Guys, a little help!"

"Whoops-a-doodles. Sorry Link," Loni said as he picked up his brother and moved out.

* * *

In the garage, a cacophony of sound boomed among the Loud brothers.

As usual, Luke was rocking out on his guitar, Lane played his saxophone, Loni was trying (and failing) to play a flute, Lexx was blowing away on a cornet, Leif was playing a harmonica, etc.

Lincoln caught sight of his genius younger brother playing a xylophone. "I never took you for a musician."

"And you would be correct in your assthumptions, my sthimpleton older brother," Levi replied. "Though I can't help mysthelf to play a tune every now and again. Why justh marvel at thisth!" Levi played a short tune on the instrument, a tune very familiar to Lincoln.

'Crash Bandicoot? Huh,' he thought.

Loki sat at a drum kit, with Lynn Jr. watching over. "I don't know if I can do this!" Loki shouted over all the noise.

"Come on, anyone can do it! Don't be a pussy about it," Lynn replied.

"What if I mess up? Isn't there literally some kind of technique or something?"

"Just play!"

Loki inhaled deeply and looked at the drums, his eyes steely and focused. With no hesitation, he walloped away, playing a magnificent set and soon ending it with a cymbal crash.

"F**k yeah," Loki boasted. He then began a drum competition with Lynn Jr.

As the Loud brothers played away, Lynn Sr. sauntered into view, swinging a rake. "What is that horrible sound? Is the cat passing a kidney stone again?"

The brothers stopped playing and Lincoln walked over to his father. "No dad," he began, "we're starting a family band!"

Lynn Sr. turned around and smiled at his eleven sons. "Really now? Well, your old man used to be part of a band." The patriarch sighed. "Although it ended on a sour note."

"Hahaha, I got that! Good one, dad!" Lane added.

 _Flashback: 1989_

 _A nineteen year old Lynn Loud, Sr., with long curly hair, was playing away on a cowbell in the dorm room of his other bandmates. To be more specific, he was playing pretty badly._

 _Like, literally ear-bleeding bad._

 _His bandmates could only cringe and shake their heads, totally embarrassed. "Lynn!" They said, to no reaction._

 _"Lynn!" Still no reaction._

 _"LYNN!"_

 _"Yeah?" the man in question replied._

 _"You're out of the band."_

 _Lynn Sr.'s eyes welled up with tears and he dropped his cowbell, running out of the room crying._

 _End Flashback_

In present time, Lynn Sr. held his face in his hands. "I just wanted to rock out, too," he said through his muffled sobs.

The Loud Brothers looked among themselves, feeling bad about their father. Luke snapped his fingers and beamed.

"Dad, you can be part of our band," the rocker brother suggested. The others all voiced their agreements.

"Well, if you insist." Lynn Sr. Then walked near the garage threshold and said "KAPOW!" Suddenly, he was in the clothes he wore all those years ago, except they were ill-fitting and the seat of his pants were ripped. He brought out his cowbell and played, all the while shaking his ass.

The Loud brothers watched this spectacle unfold in uncertainty. "What monster have you wrought upon us?" Lars remarked.

"I sinctherely hope that'sth not contagiousth," Levi added.

"Don't worry, every little thing's gonna be alright dudes," Luke reassured.

* * *

 **1 hour later**

Luke brought out some sheet music. "Now let's try busting out this jam. It's called: 'Plastic Bag blown through the Laundry of Life'. Lyrics by Lars."

Lars took a bow at the organ.

"Music by yours truly," Luke finished. "And a 1-2-3-4!"

The cacophony of sounds erupted once more from the garage. This prompted the family dog Charles to howl at the screeching sound.

Luke laughed. "Bro-hams, I think Charles wants to sing lead!" He grabbed the dog and put him near the microphone, which made the rest of the family laugh.

BZZT, BZZT, BZZT.

"Yo, Chunk!" Luke answered his phone. "Wait, I can't hear you! Hold up!" Luke turned to his brothers and dad. "Dudes, keep practicing. I gotta take five! And remember, it's not about being the best. It's about having fun!"

Luke walked away from the garage and talked on the phone. "Anyway, what was that?"

"Oy, have ya heard mate," Chunk began on the other line. "That Snozzy's comin' to town and scoutin' for local talent?"

Luke's eyes widened. "Y-you're shitting me, right?"

"No bullshit, mate, He's gonna be at the family fun fair!"

"Dude, this could be my big break!" Luke began fantasizing about being on stage with his musical idol, impressing crowds of millions with his righteous guitar skills.

"But remember," Chunk continued, bringing Luke out of his imagine spot, "he only wants the best."

"O-uh-of course, man! See you Chunk, I got work to do." He looked back at the garage, which still held the cacophony of horrid music, and groaned. "A shit-ton of work."

Luke hung up the phone and walked back to the garage, where everyone stopped momentarily. "Alrighty people, from the top! We gotta take this up a notch!

"Luke?"

"Yeah, Loni?"

Loni looked at the flute in his hands. "Like, I totally suck at this and I dunno how to do anything else."

"Why don't you sing backup bro?" Luke suggested, rolling his eyes. His dimwitted brother beamed at this.

"Righteous! Okay, and a 1, and a 2!" They all began playing again, even faster and much louder.

"Backup backup backup! Ba~ackup backup backup," Loni crooned. Luke walked up to him.

"What the f-what was that?"

"You told me to sing backup."

"No you idiot, you don't actually sing the word 'backup', you sing what's on the page."

Loni nodded. "Oh, got it. What's on the page, what's on the page, what's on the pa~age!"

Luke facepalmed at this. "Oh my f**kin' goodness," he whispered. He spotted Lynn Sr. still doing his...cowbelling, let's call it that.

"Cool dad, just-try to dial it back a bit."

Luke shook his head and caught wind of Leif and Lexx arguing. "Whoa, whoa, what's the problem, here?"

"Leif thinks that my classy, dignified cornet playing is boring," the pageant boy whined.

"That's because it is!" Leif argued back.

"And what, your country boy, down home, harmonica is good?"

"Yeah, way better!"

"Mine's better!"

"No, mine!"

"Look you two!" Luke said, silencing the twin boys. "Just blow and shut up. That's it!"

"Didn't have to be so mean about it," Lexx mumbled.

During Loki and Lynn Jr.'s continued drum-off, the oldest brother dropped one of his sticks. "Damn, hang on a sec." As soon as Loki bent over to pick up the stick, Lane pulled out a whoopee cushion and squeezed.

"Nice tootin' bro," the jokester said. Everyone laughed at the joke, making Loki scowl as he got back up.

Luke growled at the joking around. "Dudes! Let's focus here, alright?!"

"Lucasth," Levi spoke up. "Why don't we sthtart with a delectable xylophone solo?"

"A what?"

"It'sth quite obvious that my playing and knowledge of the diatonic sthcale isth superior to everyone else's here."

"Are you saying that you're better than us?" Lincoln challenged.

"It took you long enough to realizthe it."

"I will haunt you at night for that," Lars threatened.

"Nobody is better than anybody!" Luke shouted, bringing most of the music to a halt. "Jesus, man, this is the worst rehearsal I've ever seen."

"You said it didn't matter if we were good," Lincoln reminded.

"I know what I said! But look, man, Snozzy Snozbourne gonna be there and he wants the best. You guys are messing it up!"

"Hold on there, buddy," Loki spoke up. "I've literally been playing my ass off and I sound awesome. Some of us here actually do have talent-"

"Yeah, yeah, sure you do," Luke dismissed. "Now shut the f**k up and let's get our asses-"

Lynn Sr. didn't get the memo and he continued banging his asinine cowbell.

"Dad?" Luke said. No reaction.

"Dad?" Still no reaction.

"DAD!" Luke roared, making Lynn Sr. stop.

"Doing pretty good, huh?" Lynn Sr. said.

"You're out of the band."

All the other Loud brothers gasped and watched as their father ran out of the garage in tears, just like those years ago.

"Glad that's over," Luke said. Everyone else was gaping at the normally cool headed rocker. "What?"

"You literally fired our own dad!" Loki growled.

"I'm not letting Mr. Cowbell ruin my big chance with Snozzy!"

"This isn't all about you! What about us?!" Loki argued. The oldest was slowly getting fed up with this egocentric attitude.

"What about you?" Luke replied. "Let's get back to work. If you got plans-"

"Loki's right," Lincoln said, standing next to the oldest. "We're not doing this until you get your attitude together. So you are out of _our_ band!"

This proved to be the tipping point for Luke as he physically leapt toward Lincoln. But the other brothers held Luke at bay and began piling on him.

After a few seconds, the brothers got off of Luke and Loki dragged him outside the garage and threw him onto the grass.

"So that's how it is, huh?" Luke shouted. "Well fine! When I'm on tour, don't ask for tickets!"

Loki flipped him a very friendly, non-vulgar gesture as he walked back to the garage.

* * *

 **Luke and Lane's Room**

The rock star brother lay sprawled out on his bed, his guitar on his stomach and a joint between his lips. He puffs twice before exhaling, the aroma of marijuana filling his nose. Thankfully, he had the window down to let out the smoke.

 _You don't understand_

 _A dude's gotta have a pla~an_

"Shit, that's not it," Luke mumbled. An idea came to him and he strummed out another tune.

 _It's time for me to go solo_

 _YOLO!_

"Oh my God," Luke said in horror. "That was awful." He groaned and clenched his fists. "Come on, dude. What douche-nozzle still says 'YOLO'?"

He hopped off his bed and puffed on the joint again. "There's gotta be something, man."

He tried his keyboard. The first tune he played: "Too poppy."

The second tune: "Too Lars-y."

The third tune: "Too 90s!" **(No disrespect, the 90s kicks ass!)**

He threw his headphones to the ground. He puffed his joint but it was doing little to soothe him.

Luke walked to the window and saw his brothers watching Lexx play a cornet solo. He dropped his roach out the window and closed the window and curtains.

He laid on the floor and stared up at the ceiling.

 _I suck and I can't write a single song_

 _There's a crack in the ceiling_

Luke's eyes welled up with water. "What am I doing, bro?"

* * *

 **Royal Oak Park**

Luke sat with a notepad and his guitar on a bench, trying to crank out at least one tune. He crumpled up the paper and threw it, unintentionally landing in someone's face.

"Oh, sorry bra-" Luke's apology was cut short when he looked at the man behind him: the long black hair, weathered features, and the...sunglasses?

Nope, Luke definitely knows it's him.

Snozzy. Snozbourne.

"No problem, mate," Snozzy brushed aside.

"OH MY GOODNESS-"

"Shh!" Snozzy shushed. "Don't draw any attention!"

"Sorry," Luke replied, lower. Snozzy walked around and sat on the bench next to the young rocker.

"I can see you're having a fun time writing," Snozzy commented.

"Y-yeah man. Trying to write a tune but I'm mondo-blocked."

"Bullshit! Gimme that," Snozzy said. He looked through the pages and frowned. "What is this?"

"I know, Snoz. Everything I write is f**kin' garbage. I even tried to rhyme with YOLO."

"Mother of God," Snozzy said, shaking his head.

"I just wanted to be the best and impress you, dude," Luke admitted, sighing afterward. "You were the one who said it was about having fun."

"Really? Huh, must've forgotten it after all that coke," Snozzy mumbled. "But you know what I also said?"

"What?"

"If you're the leader, get one of your bandmates to write all this."

Luke scoffed. "I would if my band would take me back."

"My best bet? Haul ass and apologize to everyone. Grovel if you have to."

Luke looked up at Snozzy in confusion. "This is the weirdest life lesson I've ever heard, bro."

"It helps out sometimes. How do you think Black Cabbage took me back?"

"Because you genuinely reformed and got off drugs?" Luke guessed.

"That and a shit-ton of groveling."

Luke looked up at the sky and made his decision. "I gotta go! Thanks, Snoz!"

"Wait!" Snozzy looked Luke in the eye. "It doesn't matter if you aren't at your best. Truly it doesn't."

"Cool!"

* * *

 **The Royal Oak Family Fun Fair**

It was like any typical fair: a ferris wheel, multiple attractions with rigged games, a hammer-strength test, but it was all eclipsed by the massive, wooden, makeshift stage at the center.

The Loud family walked toward the structure, with Rita fussing over her sons' appearances. "Oh, look at my little rock stars!"

"My preferred genre is death metal," Lars clarified.

"Jazz all the way for me," Lane rang.

"DUDES!" The Loud Family looked at the source of the cry, which was from Luke, who was out of breath and holding his guitar. "Any room for one more?"

"I thought we didn't matter enough to you," Lincoln said, bitterness in his tone.

"About that," Luke started, "I'm sorry for everything that happened earlier. I was a massive cockmunch."

"Luke! Language!" Rita scolded.

"Sorry mom." Luke continued. "I forgot the most important lesson of the day: It doesn't matter if I don't play my best, because it's all about havin-"

"Yeah, having fun, blah blah blah," Lynn Jr. interrupted. "No need to get sappy on us."

"Come on man, I'm trying to have a moment here!"

"We literally have a few seconds left, let's go," Loki said.

"Anyways, will you dudes take me back?" Luke said, puppy dog eyes on full display. "I'll grovel if I have to."

Lincoln and everyone else narrowed their eyes until they smiled at him. "Heck yeah," Lincoln said. "Wouldn't be a family band without you!"

"Sweet!" Luke cheered.

After taking only a few seconds to convince Lynn Sr. (who was on the Whirl-n-Twirl whenever he was sad), the Loud family assembled on the wooden, very, very, rickety stage.

"You ready to rock dudes!" Luke said.

"THE BELL IS BACK!" Lynn Sr. shouted, still shaking his ass.

"I don't think thisth structure can sthupport all of our combined weightsth, musthical brethren," Levi worried.

"Aw, don't be a buzzkill, Levi," Luke said. He turned to Rita. "Mom, we're gonna need you too."

"Oh sweetie, I don't know how to play," the Loud matriarch responded.

"That's cool."

Rita shrugged and hopped on stage.

Luke went to the microphone. "You ready to get down and dirty, Royal Oak?"

Applause was what he got in response. "Nice!"

Luke looked around at his family, ready for their big moment. "1-2-3!"

Luke managed to get one note out before the stage utterly collapsed, bringing down the Loud family under a bunch of wood and plastic.

"Righteous!" Luke said weakly.

* * *

 **Read and Review. I'm coming back.**


	9. Rita her Rights - Aftermath

**Hey y'all, I'm back. I know I haven't been updating a hell of a lot but that's because of things going on in my life at the moment. Don't worry, I'm not abandoning this story.**

 **Anyways, this is my version of the aftermath of 'Rita her Rights'. Enjoy.**

* * *

The ride home from the county jail had been uneventful to say the least; Lexx and Leif didn't squabble with each other, Lane hardly cracked any puns, even Luke toned it down with the loud music. Who could be loud and rowdy during a time like this? Lincoln could only stare out of the window as he and his family processed what went on in the past few hours.

It only took thirty minutes for Vanzilla to pull up into the Loud House driveway. ""Welp, we're here, I guess," Lynn Sr., the patriarch of the family, began. "Go inside, boys, I gotta speak to your mom."

The only replies he received were half-hearted 'Yeahs' and 'Sures', as the Loud brothers all got out of the decrepit van and walked through the front door. This left only Lynn Sr. and Rita as the only ones still inside Vanzilla.

He looked over to Rita, who barely changed expression since the ride home. Lynn Sr. frowned.

"Rita?"

"Mmhmm?"

"Y'know, you never answered my question."

Rita turned toward her husband and sighed. "Do we really have to do this right now?"

"Sweetcheeks, I just-I can't imagine why you wouldn't want to talk to me about needing some time for yourself. I mean, we and the boys would've been just fine," Lynn said.

"That's the problem," the blonde mother replied.

"What is?"

"Don't you get it, Lynn?" Rita began.

Lynn gripped the steering wheel, his hands clenching with anxiety. "Look, I know you're upset-"

"Do you, though? Do you?" Rita replied, defensive. "I mean, every single day, every single night, I-I'm dealing with something involving you or the boys. It's maddening!"

"Oh what, you don't think I'm doing the same?!" Lynn remarked. "God, it's like a jungle in there, I know!"

"Lynn, the walls inside of that house are thin. We can hear what we're saying to each other all the time." Rita huffed and ran her hand through her hair. "You see what I'm trying to get at, sweetie?"

"You're still not answering my question," Lynn said. "Why didn't you say anything? What, you felt like you couldn't trust us enou-"

"It's not about trust," Rita interrupted. "It's about having a little privacy."

With that said, Rita swiftly got out of Vanzilla, while Lynn followed after her. She got up to the door when he called out to her.

"Rita-"

"Look at us!" Rita said, motioning her arms to herself and him. "We deal with eleven kids almost 24/7, we're stressing ourselves out almost every day, we're practically bound by the f**kin' hip as it is, Lynn. Is it so bad that I feel like I shouldn't have to ask anyone for a little time alone? Don't I have a right to wanna keep to myself sometimes?!"

The father noticed the profanity, which Rita only used when severely stressed out or excited. Lynn could only look down in shame; although he wasn't intending to be that way, sometimes he and the boys did have a tendency to want Rita to be around and support them a lot.

'God, I messed up,' he thought to himself.

"No, no. You didn't mess up Lynn," Rita said.

"Did I say that out loud?"

Rita nodded and walked toward Lynn standing in the grass. The patriarch of the family rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess I didn't realize how stressed you felt."

"Sometimes it's just so much at once," Rita replied. Lynn hugged his wife, wanting some comfort to go to her.

"God, I'm sorry," he apologized, rubbing Rita's back.

After a few moments of hugging, Lynn faced Rita, gripping her shoulders. "Y'know what? Tomorrow, you are getting the whole day off."

"Lynn-"

"Let me finish Rita. I'm taking the boys out tomorrow and you get the whole house to yourself. However many hours you need for a little 'Rita Time'."

The blonde mother smiled widely and kissed Lynn fully on the lips. "Oh thank you, honey," she said.

Lynn grinned. "C'mon, let's get inside."

* * *

From upstairs in the hallway, all eleven of the Loud brothers were looking out of the corner window, having witnessed everything.

Loki turned away from the window and sighed. "We literally suck, don't we Lincoln?"

"I dunno-I wanna say we can be better, but, I just-" Lincoln sighed, unable to answer.

"No, don't sugarcoat it. We all suck," Loki re-confirmed. "But y'know what we're gonna do about it?"

* * *

 **There will be a part 2 to this.**

 **Read and review.**


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